Sobriety top 5: Finally ditching beer forever

Sobriety: Five reasons to ditch the beer forever.

TLDR: Here in Spain, drinking is normalised and sobriety is not. Working as a DJ, I am in an environment where drinking on the job is accepted. I exert control over what and how much I drink, but it is time to bid adieu to the beer. For my own self-respect, I am taking an extended break from alcohol, starting this May Day. I will blog the journey, starting with the health consequences of drinking on the eyes, the brain, the heart, the breasts, and the liver.

Sobriety, power, and the changing of the season

Calling back my power

On this eve of Beltane, I am calling my power back to me. Beltane is the Celtic festival of the beginning of Summer. It is a liminal time, when the veil between the worlds is thin. If I lived in community, I might celebrate this night with ritual and a bonfire. As I am alone in my explorations, I offer these words as my gift to the Universe whose magnitude is incomprehensible, whose wisdom is boundless, and whose timing is impeccable.

My words are my promise to myself

My words are my promise to myself. The intention was already set many moons ago. Now is the time. I promise that, one day at a time, my life will be one of sobriety.

Watching Soft White Underbelly videos and #SoberTok, I saw how destructive alcohol can be.

Will my so-called social life die?

Fear of missing out (FOMO) is a common excuse for drinking more than we would like to. I have lived in Spain for twenty years, and it is a great place. But, living in a holiday town means a certain lack of mental stimulation. And if there is one thing that booze does well it is to make boring things seem fun 🤣.

So, my dearest here friends are mostly gay men. Which is fun, and frolicky. But the gay scene is notoriously substance heavy, we all know that. In fact, “About one-fourth of the LGBTQ+ community has moderate alcohol dependency, compared to 5%-10% of the general population…” says this article from the Baltimore Banner.

If I go teetotal will I lose my social life? Probably a little.

Soulful and Sober

We are mind, body, and soul. The mind is changeable, the body is mortal, but the soul is eternal. Connecting with the soul is the goal.

Sobriety is a vow I make to myself. I use my mind to unite my body and my soul.

The brain is a physical organ that is the seat of the mind. After studying the brain in my Neuromusic Masters, I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with my own mistreatment of this wondrous mass of neuron and synapse. Understanding one’s own mind brings a person closer to the soul.

My mind asks for alcohol. Not my body. I need to turn my mind to the matter or not drinking I must use ingenuity, willpower and creative thinking to catch my mind playing dirty tricks on me, lest I unwittingly find a glass of beer in my hand!

In good spirits

When the “Spirit” of (alcoholic) spirits takes hold, it can be either playful or mean. I am a happy drinker. But I am tired of the mean thoughts the next day. It stretches the limits of the mental and emotional control to have to constantly firefight the effects of “just one more”, always waking to think “did I drink two, or three? Or perhaps more…”

I want to awaken each morning “in better spirits”.

Video: The Spiritual Consequences of Alcohol Consumption

Periods of Sobriety

I have enjoyed three important periods of sobriety.

Straight edge

I had had a three-month “straight edge” period when I was 16. I was dating a SHARP skinhead, listening to Minor Threat and learning about anarchy. Being straightedge just came with the territory! We broke up and I thought “fuck it”, and started drinking at parties and nights out. I had a lot of fun.

Yoga

In 1999, the teachings of Sivananda yoga found me and supported me in my second period of abstinence. I was sober for about two years, until mid-2001. My mother was taken from us quite suddenly, by a devastating and untreatable brain tumour. This unleashed in me a “fuck it” avalanche, which led to meeting a charming Irish alcoholic who proceeded to make my life hell for four years. Did I drink? You betcha.

Motherhood

Motherhood gave me my third temperate period. I had the occasional drink, but was studying to be a yoga teacher, raising a child, and didn’t have many friends to tempt me 😉

And now…

It was menopause that made me drink again. I lost a lot of weight; beer was the best (and most entertaining) way to keep the weight on. This valedictory guzzle has lasted 8 years. I “only drank beer”, and I “never got drunk”. Which is true, but…

I noticed that days when I would say “night off” started to give way to the “fuck its” again. and soon enough I was only drinking beer and never getting drunk practically every night. Which is not the objective at all!

So the crossroads where I now stand is here: if I can’t control my drinking, why let my drinking control me? It is time to knock it on the head.

Blogging my sobriety journey

To support my journey, I am going to blog. I don’t mind making a TikTok or two, but I like the headspace of writing. I like to pause and think, conjure up nice sentences, and avoid repetitive vocabulary. In short, I like to write.

In the coming days and weeks, I am going to research, and write about, the effects of over-enthusiastic ethanol use. M questions are:

How does drinking alcohol affect the…

  • Eyes
  • Brain
  • Heart
  • Breasts
  • Liver
Sobriety: Alcohol gives you wings to fly, then takes away the sky.
Sobriety top 5: Finally ditching beer forever 6

See you soon

I hope. If you’re not some unhinged Internet looney, and you’re curious about the sobriety journey, say hi or join in the conversation on social media.

Cue Creativity: transform to your true self in 12 steps

Manifesting Creativity cover image. Pink heart with wings on a black background.

Wellness practices are no longer niche. Fully integrated into everyday life, most people practice, or know that they ought to practice, some form of self-care such as movement, mindfulness, or self-motivation.

I have practiced and studied yoga and wellness for decades. All that time, I longed for creative fulfilment. I often felt like I was hitting a roadblock around creativity, especially around music production. Let me explain my wellness to creativity in this post. I will unpack my 12-step experience of finding a way to cue (activate) my creativity using my wellness practices.

Creativity: The Cornerstone of Self Realisation

The Why Behind the Wellness: find what you have inside

Why practice wellness?

People get to yoga when they are tired of suffering. This old adage is found in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, and in Buddhism’s Four Noble Truths. These traditions teach that it is the ignorance of one’s true nature (“avidya”) that is the true source of suffering. Their solution is spiritual: “vidya” (knowledge) that allows a person to unite with “Atman”, which is higher consciousness.

What’s your wellness goal?

This question is highly relevant given today’s global society and the preponderance of cultural appropriation. The conflict around embracing another culture’s spiritual traditions has antagonised me for decades. I don’t have the definitive answer. But, I am part of the cohort of yoga and meditation practitioners who do not feel the need to pray to anyone’s God, and whose only faith is the belief in the flow of the Energy. I am spiritual, but not a believer. Faith is believing in something without having proof. Spirituality is about feeling the energy of all that surrounds you and realising that it is feeling your energy, too.

If not faith, then what? Creative expression.

In the absence of faith, we have creativity. Creative endeavour is the “tao” (path) of non religious self-knowledge. It is unhindered by doctrine, and untethered from ritual. But, it is a powerful tool for the knowledge and manifestation of the Higher Self. It may appear individualistic, but creative pursuit is so hard, and so humbling, and takes so damn long, that it it connects artists to our souls via our striving and our failure. The highest form of self-realisation is creativity; the highest form of creativity is self-realisation.

creativity self realiation loop
Cue Creativity: transform to your true self in 12 steps 13

Finding your creative outlet

Childhood dreams

You were there all along, you know. All the dreams you held in your childhood heart; they never went away. Your childhood dreams may have lain hidden for decades while you ran a business, climbed the corporate ladder, and raised a family. They probably showed up in your dreams, your home decor, and your hobbies. But they were never given centre stage.

When working with clients, these childhood memories are some of the most important. Before we are schooled and moulded, we are timeless dreamers, experimenters and boundary pushers. We can become disconnected from this creative little kid during our householders years, but as we age, we can choose to reconnect with our inner artist and make manifest what we hold inside.

Glimpses and glimmers

Glimmers are little events that unexpectedly bring joy into daily life. When we engage, even lightly, in consciousness raising activities (silent meditation, deep breathing, contact with nature, emotional self-regulation), we are gifted with little glimmers. Life is constantly bestowing us with miracles, if only we remember to look-.

You may have been blessed with some moments of clarity during a yoga class, meditation, or ecstatic dance. And certainly those insights would have whispered to you from a deeper part of you. But, life didn’t leave you room for those frivolous artistic pursuits. Now, you are at the point where you want to integrate those glimmers and create something from them. Welcome!

The big reveal

And then, right on cue, and if you are lucky, you reach the age of 50. The brutal realisation that you have fewer years ahead of you than behind you shocks you awake.

That inner voice no longer accepts being silenced. It starts to talk to you in louder tones. It keeps you awake at night, it whispers that maybe there is indeed more to all this.

Eventually, you listen. And then, you start to create. You create FROM you, FOR you, and BECAUSE of you. You create to leave a trace. You create to leave a legacy. You create because it is just what you do. If you don’t create, you consume, and overconsumption leads us down a very different path, one that I won’t even talk about here.

The Late Bloomer

Capitalism tells us “time is money.” This is an outright lie. Time is not money. Time is life.

Rigidly believing in milestones and linear timelines can rob us of the time that we need to bloom as creatives. If we think that we are too old, or that we missed our one and only chance way back when we were seventeen, then we will never achieve our creativity peak.

Late bloomers are myriad in the arts and elsewhere. Late blooming women, freed from fertility, are almost duty-bound to create. The womb that is no longer preparing for procreation becomes a fertile guide and voice for wise women.

It took me 12 years to learn to produce music using Ableton Live. But I got there in the end!

As if on cue, you find you

The brutality of the midlife crisis is an energy that can be harnessed in order to live your best life. You either sink or swim. If you have been doing the deep work already, dive deeper. Put order to your story and connect the dots. As Bob Marley sang in Buffalo Soldier “If you know your history, then you will know where you are coming from, then you would not have to ask me, who the hell do I think I am.”

Creativity Coaching – the program I am working on – is my method to help you work out who the hell you think you are, using creativity. Stay tuned and sign up to my newsletter if you are curious to know more about Creativity Coaching.

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My 12 steps

Each person will have their version of the events, decisions, and twists of fate that get them from where they were to where they are now. My twelve steps were:

  • Living through a series of hard to process life events which left me with powerful feelings that were hard to express, and yet which sabotaged me at unexpected and unwelcome moments.
  • A need to put order to my intrusive thoughts and feelings so that I could feel calmer and have the world make sense. Finding yoga. Finding mind-body wellness work
  • Words and music flooded through me, at random times, unbidden. It could not be turned off even if I wanted to.  I consistently wrote poetry, prose, and songs.
  • Feeling more frustration at NOT making music than making music, but without recognition or recompense. Keep going even if my music got no applause and no pay. Resilience.
  • Through the deep work of yoga, slowly overcoming shyness, self criticism, and self-doubt.
  • Shaking, breathing, and humming trauma out of my body.
  • Learning to set healthy boundaries.
  • Valuing my time and focusing my efforts in order to improve all areas of my life, including my art.
  • “Music maker, any way” – recognising that many paths lead to the same goal.  If the singer-songwriter thing wasn’t going to fly, then DJing could.  Climbing down from preconceived ideas about what music to make and how.
  • Furthering my formal education in order to give myself a sense of sturdiness and knowledgeability.  Overcoming imposter syndrome. Studying music theory. Studying Neuromusic.
  • Finally having a breakthrough by consistently dedicating time to music production, asking for (and paying for) help with mixing and mastering, investing in the distribution platforms and subscriptions necessary to market my craft.
  • Recognising that I have, effectively, achieved the goal that I set out to conquer, so many years ago, and feeling so elated that I want to share it with anyone else who is longing for creative expression and not sure how to get there.

Your 12 steps

Your journey may be 12 steps long, or it may be 20. It is totally personal and completely unique. Believe in yourself, in your pursuit of purpose, and the power of your creative vision. If my words resonate with you, and you feel like connecting, drop me a line or give me a follow. If you think that you might like some help defining your purpose, of getting clarity about your journey, let me know. Take care, Rachel